I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
