I wish I could punch you in the face.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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