Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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