my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
