Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
