Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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