Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
