ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
