just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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