Already got asked if we're dating
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
