You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
