When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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