I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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