Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
