I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
