This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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