Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
