i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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