Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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