my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
