she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
