giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
