woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You dont lie about slip and slides
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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