My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
