I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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