Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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