You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
