I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
