DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
