Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
