People in love make me want to vomit
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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