Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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