like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
