So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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