Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is the high leading the old right now
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
