her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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