my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
