I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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