Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
