That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
