these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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