did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
