it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Found the puke drawer
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
