i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
