So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
