I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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