Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
