Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
