His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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