I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
