I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
