"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
