Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
